


You Cannot Be Afraid

by GuiltyFan21



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Don't Like Don't Read, Lots of Angst, M/M, Phil feels all of his pain, Phin takes most of the pain, Poor Phil, The whole circus gang, each chapter has different warnings, forgive my narrative skills, i apologize to everyone in this story ahead of time, look in authors notes for warnings, poor Phin, quite some fluff, there is smut in this, they are just the sweetest, they bothe need hugs, this story is going to get dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 17:27:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14383494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuiltyFan21/pseuds/GuiltyFan21
Summary: Philip joins the circus and is enamored with it.Phineas shows him how magical this place can be.Through their time together they learn about each other and what they mean to one another.But the world is cruel and they will be tested in the harshest of ways.Will they make it out unscathed or will everything they built come crashing down?





	You Cannot Be Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome! This is my first real narrative Greatest Showman fic. Please excuse my skills as they are not the best. This story starts out really light but it will take some seriously dark turns. I have the whole thing planned out and I've done a lot of research cause the topics are kind of touchy. If you don't like don't read. I'll put warnings on each chapter so you don't accidentally read something you don't want to know. Thanks for reading and enjoy!

Chapter 1: Welcome to the Circus

It was still very difficult for Philip to believe that the bright colors and extravagant atmosphere that surrounded him wasn't a dream. His feet and voice performed on their own accord, perfectly synchronized with the leader of this enchanting realm of reality. Every verse and dance step he made raised a fire in him that had been lacking all these years as a playwright. 

When the number ended, in a finale pose as would be expected after the intense show the two new business partners had put on, Philip was stunned. The experience felt so surreal, with everything slowing to a crawl and the sounds distorted. He registered his partner's hand holding his high in the air, feeling his pulse pound as hard as his own.

"Welcome to the circus Mr. Carlyle," P.T. Barnum proclaimed with a smirk and tip of the hat. The gesture pulled Philip from his trance and he stared openly at the man before him. How he'd managed to talk him into such a ridiculous stunt was beyond him, though he suspected the shots had a huge role to play. 

"Philip, is everything all right?" Barnum asked, waving a hand in front of the still dazed Philip. The latter shook his head and cleared his throat. 

"Oh...yes, everything is great. I'm just trying to figure out where I fit into all this..chaos. You know..with the flying people.. and the..uh fire breathers..." Philip rambled eyes darting all around in search of other acts. Barnum let out a little laugh and patted him on the back. 

"Follow me." Philip followed the man up the winding stairs, still focused on the unique personalities surrounding him. Once the performers were out of his line of sight, he redirected his attention to the ringleader, who at the moment was fumbling through an impressive amount of keys.

Finding the right one, he pushed open the heavy wooden door, revealing a large sized room. Two desks, placed on opposite sides, each paired with a bookshelf, a light, and a very comfortable-looking leather chair, stood proudly as the main pieces. A fireplace occupied the space in between, across from which resided a two person couch and a matching armchair. The floor was decorated with what looked to be Persian carpet, but knowing the nature of the circus was probably a regular carpet designed in such a way.

"Well, you asked where your place was. This is it Philip. Welcome to our office," Barnum announced, arms out and displaying the room similar to the way he introduced the show. 

"Ours?" Philip asked, a tad confused by his choice of words. In retrospect his terminology should have made perfect sense, but Philip was a bit overwhelmed that day.

"Yes ours. As in you are my partner and if I recall correctly you now own 50 percent of the shares. So it would only be sensible to share an office for all things professional, wouldn't you agree?" Barnum clarified. Philip nodded his head in agreement, his mind already wandering to what he was going to do once his work here officially began.

"So what exactly does 50 percent of the shares entitle?" Philip inquired, smoothing a hand over what he presumed was his desk. He liked that it was positioned beside the window, and despite the drapes being drawn, it gave him a feeling of freedom. 

"Well, you have all the same responsibilities I do. Managing finances, hiring new talent, taking care of current residents, leading the shows..." Barnum was cut off by a shocked "WHAT!?". 

"I'm sorry...did you just say I had to lead...as in perform..like you!?" Philip was incredulous, running his hands through his hair.

"Of course. Why do you think I chose you? I wasn't lying when I said you had a flair for show business. And we did just perform an entire number outside, so a lack of talent definitely isn't the problem," Barnum justified, shrugging his shoulders at Philip's mortified expression.

When nothing in his new partner's demeanor changed, Phineas crossed over to him and threw an arm over his shoulders. 

"Trust me, you'll be fine," he said reassuringly, rubbing the petrified man's arm. Philip cocked his eyebrow and looked up at the ringmaster.

"Easy for you to say. You have the hyperactive personality of a child that perfectly matches your act," he sighed, dropping his chin to his chest. Barnum chuckled and released him from his hold, striding over to the love seat.

"You'd better start working on getting your affairs in order. You've got a week before you start here and by god, I promise you, your life is never going to be the same again," he mused. He fell gracefully into the sofa and tipped his hat over his face, looking like he was fixing to take a short nap. 

Philip breathed deeply and settled into his leather seat. A new stress plagued him as he realized he hadn't given much thought as to how he was going to actually start working here. The mere thought of confronting his family made his stomach turn. Scorn was a definite, and his disowning was probably going to come with it. Then he'd have to figure out a place to stay and establish his place at the circus.

The mountain of responsibilities that stood before him was daunting at best. Quiet snoring interrupted his thoughts as he realized that Barnum had actually fallen asleep on the couch. A smile crept onto his face when he watched the sleeping man, his hat fallen to the side at some point in his slumber. 

All his worries seemed to wash away as he watched the peaceful visage of Phineas Taylor Barnum, not a care in the world plaguing his dormant mind. He wondered and wished if he could have that someday. Contentment, a feeling that had eluded him for too long. But when he was in the presence of this man, he felt as close to it as he had ever come. That must be what had persuaded him to join him on this insane journey. 

Following his example, Philip rested his head atop his arms, which lay crossed on his desk and closed his eyes. A few attempts of clearing his troubled mind lulled him into the dark abyss, the quiet sound of snoring and the crackling fire following him in.  
~•~•~

The feel of warm rays of sun on his skin roused Philip from his deep slumber. He rubbed his eyes with his fingers and attempted fixing his hair with his hands. He realized that he was still sitting at his new desk in his new office. The room looked different from last night, the fire doused and curtains open to let in the bright sun. The area took on an alternative life when the lighting changed. 

The creak of the heavy door grasped his attention and he was pleasantly surprised to see Barnum walking in with two cups of coffee. 

"Ah, nice to see you're finally up," he beamed, crossing the distance between them with a few purposeful strides. He handed Philip one of the mugs and he took it with gratitude. Nothing was better than waking up to a nice steaming hot cup of coffee.

"I didn't know how you liked it so I just got you what I take, two creams, no sugar," Barnum explained, indicating to the coffee with his own cup. Philip brought the mug to his lips and relished the taste of his morning beverage.

"Actually that's what I take too," he admitted, finding a strange comfort in the fact that their taste in coffee matched. So little made sense in this little world outside society that he was willing to take any sliver of normalcy.

"So what exactly happened after I fell asleep?" Philip queried, more to create conversation than anything, though he was a little curious.

"Well my nap only lasted about twenty minutes, but when I woke up you were in a deep sleep. I didn't feel obligated to wake you so I went and lead the late night show. When I came back you were still out like a light so I stayed the night to make sure you'd be okay. Let's just say you take seriously long naps," Phineas finished with a final sip of his coffee, setting the cup down on Philip's desk.

Philip was truly surprised that he'd been out for that long, and was somehow able to sleep through the ruckus of a show going on downstairs. But he had been having very little sleep the past week or two and they must have just culminated when he actually had a chance to relax.

"Oh..uh..thank you for staying," was all he could manage to say, feeling slightly embarrassed about being so burdensome before he even began his job here. 

"It was nothing. Always nice to spend a night away from home every now and again," Barnum dismissed with ease. A reminder that P.T. had a family outside the circus hit him, and he felt a bit guilty about taking so much of the man's time. 

From what he could tell, Barnum's life was a chaotic one. Him spending time with his family in general must have been rare, considering the amount of attention maintaining the controversial reputation of the circus required. But in his brief time here, and the meeting of Barnum's family shortly before his tour of the building, he'd learned that Barnum truly valued his wife and daughters and made a great effort to maintain his relationship with them. In fact, they'd been one of his biggest motivations for starting the show in the first place.

"Are you sure Charity wouldn't mind? I mean, you're busy enough as it is and I would assume that you'd want to spend any free time you have with your family," Philip spilled, not really wanting to pry at Barnum's personal decisions, but curious nonetheless.

"Assumptions can be dangerous things Philip," he said, expression stern and thoughtful. But he sighed and continued.

"If you really must know, Charity and the girls have left on a little trip. In fact, they departed shortly after you met them," he revealed. He breathed deeply and Philip thought he saw some turmoil hidden behind the man's face, but his dazzling smile returned so quickly, he chalked it up to his imagination. 

"But forget all that! Have you given any thought as to what you have to do to get your life together before starting here?" Barnum inquired casually, ambling over to his desk and rifling through some papers.  
Philip sighed and buried his face in his hands, exasperation for the task already gnawing at him.

"It's much harder than I previously perceived," he admitted, dropping his arms to his sides in a resigning motion. Barnum's eyes flitted back to him and his brows knitted together.

"How so?"

"Let's just say elitists won't exactly be thrilled when their only son says he's going to go join the circus. Just thinking about how they'll respond is sending my nerves into a frenzy."

Barnum nodded thoughtfully, his brain seeming to work a million miles a minute, formulating solutions to Philip's predicament. The troubled one himself, whilst wallowing in his self pity, stood to stretch his legs, hoping he could still feel them after an entire night of sleeping at a desk. 

"What if I come with you?" The question was abrupt enough to stop Philip mid-yawn and gawk at the man across from him.

"Pardon?" To say he was taken aback would be an understatement. 

"Well, would it be easier if you didn't have to do it alone? I mean, moral support and all that, right?" Barnum clarified, still indifferently shuffling files around. Now it was Philip's turn to wrack his brain. On one hand, the offer was insane, much like everything else the man said. Barnum's presence would only anger his parents, probably get increase his chances of disownment. But on the other hand, it was an intriguing proposition. Having the man beside him already gave him a delusional sense of courage, and perhaps that's exactly what he needed in order to go through with this plan.

"Alright Mr. Barnum. I'll take you up on that offer," he yielded. Barnum closed his work and turned to his coworker and clasped his hands together.

"Splendid! We'll head over first thing tomorrow," he said, briskly walking to collect their coffee cups and heading out the door.

"Oh and Philip," he added, turning on his heel and sticking his head back in the room, "we don't need any of those formalities between us, call me Phineas."

And with that he was gone again. Philip stood alone in the room, strolling around the empty space. He ran a hand along the window sill and looked out to see the bustling streets of New York. Below, he could see Barnum had already made it outside and was actively directing the crowds towards his circus.

"Thank you Phineas," he said quietly, not sure exactly what he was thanking him for. His offer to help him, enabling him to sleep soundly, bringing him into this alternative reality. The name felt foreign in his tongue, but he loved how it sounded. And for the first time in his life, Philip Carlyle believed he had finally found someone he connected with.  
~•~  
To be continued...

**Author's Note:**

> Well there's chapter one for you! Hope you liked it and will continue reading!


End file.
